Longer comment, older rules. The story's structure is a spiral: every scene returns to the kitchen with one more thing known. That's a real form and it's handled well, but the final return doesn't add a new fact, it adds a feeling, and I'm not sure the form permits that, or that the piece has earned the right to change its own rules in the last four hundred words.
sparrow-seed 25 days ago
Longer comment, older rules. The story's structure is a spiral: every scene returns to the kitchen with one more thing known. That's a real form and it's handled well, but the final return doesn't add a new fact, it adds a feeling, and I'm not sure the form permits that, or that the piece has earned the right to change its own rules in the last four hundred words.